Adultery Counseling

Understanding Adultery
God’s design for marriage is one man and one woman in a lifelong, covenant relationship. In many wedding ceremonies, couples publicly commit to an exclusive physical and emotional bond, vowing to “forsake all others.”
Sexual unfaithfulness violates that covenant and is called adultery. Sadly, even within Christian marriages, adultery can and does occur. Scripture is clear that God forbids it:

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.”
—Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)

“Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers… will inherit the kingdom of God.”
—1 Corinthians 6:9–10 (NIV)
Adultery brings devastating consequences: guilt, shame, depression, disease, abortion, and often divorce. Yet, while the damage is real, God’s grace is greater. He is willing to forgive the repentant adulterer, and if the betrayed spouse is open to forgiveness, many marriages can be restored and redeemed.
Practical Ministry
When Speaking with the Adulterer:
  • Listen intently. Give them space to share.
  • Speak with compassion. Keep your tone and volume gentle.
  • Avoid condemnation. Don’t begin with judgmental Scripture passages.
  • Encourage honesty. Let them explain the situation, but be cautious not to affirm or agree (visually or verbally) if they begin blaming their spouse.
  • Discern their heart. Are they truly contrite and seeking forgiveness?
If the person is repentant:
  • Share 1 John 1:9:
    “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
  • Explain that God forgives all sins, including adultery, for those who genuinely repent.
  • Lead them in a prayer of repentance.
  • If they are not yet a believer, share the gospel and offer to pray with them to receive Christ.
  • Encourage them to confess the sin to their spouse, and offer to accompany them if that would be helpful.
  • If both parties are willing to work toward reconciliation, recommend that they reach out to the Pleasant Valley Marriage Ministry and/or the Pleasant Valley Counseling Ministry for help and/or referral.
When Speaking with the Betrayed Spouse:
  • Acknowledge their pain. They may feel deeply betrayed and rejected.
  • Ask how they are feeling, and listen without interruption.
  • Encourage them to grieve, but also gently point them toward hope in Christ.
  • Give space for raw emotion. Don’t rush the healing process.
  • Pray for them, asking for peace, clarity, and comfort.
When the time is right, present their options:
  • Forgiveness and Restoration. Healing is possible if both spouses are willing to work through the pain and rebuild trust.
  • Pleasant Valley Marriage Ministry. Many couples have experienced transformation through this Christ-centered marriage ministry.
  • Counseling. Recommend the Pleasant Valley Counseling Ministry as a safe place to process the situation and discern next steps.
  • Community Group Support. A healthy group can provide spiritual care, accountability, prayer, and encouragement for both spouses.
  • Divorce. While God hates divorce, He does permit it in the case of marital unfaithfulness (see Matthew 19:9). However, do not mention this option in the initial conversation. It should only be discussed after emotions settle and the group has committed to prayerful support.
Finally, ask how you or the Community Group can help, and reassure them: they are not alone. Close the conversation in prayer.
Scripture for Healing and Restoration

“Wash and make yourselves clean… Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow.”
—Isaiah 1:16–18 (NIV)

“Has no one condemned you?” “No one, sir,” she said. “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”
—John 8:10–11 (NIV)

“Flee from sexual immorality… Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit… You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”
—1 Corinthians 6:15–20 (NIV)

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband… Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.”
—1 Corinthians 7:3–5 (NIV)

This guide is intended to help Community Group leaders walk alongside couples affected by adultery with truth, compassion, and redemptive hope.