Helping a Group Member Through Bitterness and Resentment
Understanding Resentment
God designed us to live in freedom—freedom from sin, shame, and bondage. But in this fallen world, we are often hurt by others—sometimes deeply. These injuries, whether caused by individuals or institutions, can lead to profound emotional pain.
When that pain is not processed in a healthy, biblical way, we may begin to harbor resentment and grow bitter.
Resentment is anger and disappointment over being treated unfairly. If left unchecked, it can take root and grow into bitterness. God's Word warns us:
“The godless in heart harbor resentment; even when he fetters them, they do not cry for help.”
—Job 36:13 (NIV)
—Job 36:13 (NIV)
Some of the consequences of bitterness and resentment include:
- A victim mindset
- Persistent negativity
- Anger and self-pity
- Emotional guardedness
- Control issues
- Fear of abandonment
- Difficulty trusting others—or God
- Strained or broken relationships
Resentment can also trigger harmful coping behaviors, such as addiction, emotional withdrawal, lashing out, or even secretly wishing harm on others.
Practical Ministry Guidance
Core Principles
- Jesus understands. He knows what it’s like to be betrayed, falsely accused, and wronged.
- Bitterness is poison. Holding resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer.
- Our model for forgiveness is Christ. We forgive because He first forgave us.
- Confession leads to repentance. Freedom begins when we bring our sin into the light.
- Forgiveness is not the same as trust. You can forgive without restoring the relationship—especially if it’s unsafe or impossible.
Counseling Toward Freedom
When speaking with someone struggling with bitterness or resentment:
- Listen attentively. Let your tone and body language reflect empathy and compassion.
- Invite them to share their story. Ask what happened and what they’re holding on to.
- Validate their pain. Acknowledge how hurtful the experience must have been.
- Gently cast a vision for freedom. Remind them that Christ desires for them to live free—not shackled by anger and unforgiveness.
- Encourage surrender. Letting go of resentment allows God to carry the burden and bring justice in His time.
- Explore obedience. Ask what it might look like to walk in obedience and release the offense to God.
- Prompt confession. Encourage them to confess their bitterness to the Lord and to a trusted person.
If they desire reconciliation:
- Help them create a plan, possibly with the help of a counselor.
- If reconciliation isn’t possible (e.g., the offender is deceased or unreachable), suggest writing a letter as a form of release. Let them know that multiple drafts may be needed to move from anger to forgiveness.
- Encourage them to stay connected to biblical community where they can heal and grow.
- Point them to the Pleasant Valley Counseling Ministry where they can receive ongoing support and guidance.
Scripture for Healing
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”
—Galatians 5:1
“Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us…”
—Luke 11:4
“Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’”
—Luke 23:34
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
—Colossians 3:13
“But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
—Matthew 6:15
“Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.”
—Proverbs 10:12
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”
—Galatians 5:1
“Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us…”
—Luke 11:4
“Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.’”
—Luke 23:34
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
—Colossians 3:13
“But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
—Matthew 6:15
“Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs.”
—Proverbs 10:12
“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord.”
—Romans 12:19
“But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…”
—Matthew 5:44
Freedom from bitterness is possible. It may take time, tears, and courage, but Christ stands ready to carry what we cannot. Encourage those struggling with resentment to lay it down at the feet of Jesus—and begin walking in the freedom He has already secured for them.
—Romans 12:19
“But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…”
—Matthew 5:44
Freedom from bitterness is possible. It may take time, tears, and courage, but Christ stands ready to carry what we cannot. Encourage those struggling with resentment to lay it down at the feet of Jesus—and begin walking in the freedom He has already secured for them.