Understanding Grief and Bereavement
Grief is an intense emotional response to personal loss. It often includes sorrow, sadness, anguish, and deep emotional pain. Bereavement refers more specifically to the grief that follows the death of a loved one. This guide focuses primarily on that aspect of grief.
Grieving individuals often feel isolated in their pain, as if no one could possibly understand their loss. Grief typically follows a cycle, but the experience is unique for each person. For some, full emotional recovery may never come—though healing and hope are possible.
The Common Stages of Grief
  1. Shock – The immediate emotional impact; can feel paralyzing.
  2. Emotional release – Often expressed through weeping or outbursts.
  3. Loneliness and depression – Especially common when the person was deeply dependent on the deceased.
  4. Guilt – "I could have done more" or "I should have said something."
  5. Anger and hostility – Often directed toward God or others.
  6. Inertia – A sense of numbness or emotional detachment: "I can’t go on."
  7. Gradual return to hope – Small glimpses of stability and resilience.
  8. Adjustment to reality – Accepting the loss and adapting to life without the loved one.
Note: These stages may overlap, repeat, or vary in order. Grief is not linear or predictable.
Ministering to the Grieving
Helping someone who is grieving requires genuine compassion, patience, and reliance on the Holy Spirit. Avoid clichés, shallow encouragements, or forced positivity. Your presence and sincerity are far more meaningful than perfectly crafted words.
What Not to Do:
  • Don’t pretend to have all the answers.
  • Don’t minimize their pain, try to cheer them up, or suggest they “should be over it.”
  • Don’t offer spiritual platitudes disconnected from their experience.
  • Don’t imply their grief would be less if they were “more spiritual.”
Practical Ministry Guidance
  • Express care. Let them know you are there and that you care deeply.
  • Encourage storytelling. Invite them to share their loss and memories—it helps to express feelings aloud.
  • Normalize their emotions. Sadness, guilt, anger, confusion, and despair are common responses.
  • Affirm that mourning is healthy. Jesus said, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted”(Matthew 5:4). Jesus Himself wept at Lazarus’ tomb (John 11:35).
  • Offer spiritual hope. Emphasize the faithfulness of God and His presence in their pain. Help them see Christ as the Solid Rock on which they can rebuild.
  • Share the Gospel hope. For believers, death is not the end. Through Christ, we are promised:
    • Eternal life (John 3:16)
    • A future resurrection (1 Corinthians 15:51–52)
    • A reunion with loved ones in the Lord (1 Thessalonians 4:14)
  • Encourage connection. Suggest leaning on family, friends, and their church community for support.
  • Promote Scripture reading. God’s Word brings strength, perspective, and comfort in the valley.
  • Redirect guilt. If guilt is present (especially in cases like suicide), gently guide them to leave regrets with the Lord. If necessary, encourage confession, then help them receive God’s forgiveness (1 John 1:9).
  • Affirm healing over time. Encourage thankfulness for the time shared with their loved one and trust in the hope of eternity. Helping others who are hurting can also bring renewed purpose and healing.
Special Note: The Death of a Child
The loss of a child is a uniquely devastating experience. Parents often wrestle with guilt, sorrow, and spiritual questions.
  • Affirm God’s love for children. Though we cannot know why the child died, we do know that children are especially precious to God.  Jesus said, “Of such is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 19:14). Interpreted in light of scripture as a whole, we believe that children who die are immediately taken into God's presence.
  • Assure them of hope. If we are in Christ, we have the blessed hope of seeing our loved one again. When King David's child was taken from him in death, he said, “Can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he shall not return to me.”
    —2 Samuel 12:23
Encouraging Scriptures

“Jesus said, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live. And whoever lives and believes in Me shall never die.’”
—John 11:25–26

“Let not your heart be troubled… I go to prepare a place for you… that where I am, you may be also.”
—John 14:1–3

“For we know that if our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God… eternal in the heavens.”
—2 Corinthians 5:1

“For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain… I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better.”
—Philippians 1:21, 23

“He has given us… a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ… an inheritance… reserved in heaven for you.”
—1 Peter 1:3–5

“And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying…”
—Revelation 21:4
Additional Scriptures:
  • Psalm 23:4–6
  • Romans 6:8, 23
  • 2 Corinthians 1:9
Grief takes time. While we may not have all the answers, we serve a Savior who bore our sorrows and who walks with us through the valley of the shadow of death. Offer your presence, reflect the love of Christ, and trust the Holy Spirit to do the work only He can do.

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
—Psalm 34:18 (ESV)