When A Group Member Experiences a Death

Practical Needs the Group Can Meet
When a household experiences the loss of a loved one, there are often many immediate, tangible needs. By taking responsibility for these practical matters—or organizing others to do so—Life Group members can significantly relieve the burden and allow the grieving family to focus on mourning and healing.
Consider meeting the following needs:
  • Notify family and close friends of the death if the grieving member requests assistance.
  • Clean the home of the deceased, especially in preparation for out-of-town guests who may arrive for the funeral.
  • Purchase household essentials (e.g., groceries, toiletries) to help host incoming family.
  • Provide meals for the household. It is often helpful to coordinate two meals per day during the days surrounding the funeral.
  • Assist with transportation, such as driving children to and from school or events.
  • Mow the lawn or care for the yard as needed.
  • Help with thank-you notes after the funeral.
  • Organize and serve a meal for family and friends after the funeral service.
  • Ask how you can help. Offer suggestions, but make no promises. When possible, follow through on what is needed.
Emotional and Spiritual Needs
Group leaders and members are often the first to provide spiritual and emotional support during a time of loss. The following practices will help foster genuine care and comfort:
  • Practice the ministry of presence. Grieving individuals often need companionship more than conversation. Simply being there—sitting quietly nearby—can bring comfort, even when no words are spoken.
  • Be an active listener. Focus your attention fully on the grieving individual. Maintain eye contact and listen without interrupting. Create space for them to share, without rushing or redirecting the conversation.
  • Don’t force conversation. If they choose to speak, avoid offering advice about how to grieve. Grief is deeply personal.
  • Allow honest expression. Let the grieving person share their emotions—regret, anger, confusion, disappointment, even frustration with God—without correcting or minimizing their experience.
  • Avoid sharing your own grief stories. This moment is not about you. Let the focus remain on the one who is grieving.
  • Acknowledge the significance of the loss. Let them know you understand that what they’re experiencing is profound.
  • Share a memory of the deceased only after they’ve had time to speak. Doing so can help open the door for others to share and may gently invite healing through remembrance.
  • Pray before leaving. Ask if you can pray with them. If the family is gathered, ask for permission to lead a prayer for all. Remind them that you—and the pastors and church family—are praying for them and love them.
  • Share Scripture, when appropriate. If the family includes unbelievers, be discerning and sensitive. If appropriate, read a single passage before prayer. Only share more if prompted by the Holy Spirit or at the family's request.
Suggested Scriptures for Comfort
1 Thessalonians 4:13–18
“Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope…”
Psalm 23
“The Lord is my shepherd… Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me…”

Psalm 30:5b
“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1–4
“To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven… A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.”
What Not to Say
Grief is tender, and words carry weight. Avoid statements that might unintentionally minimize, dismiss, or wound the grieving. Many of the following are theologically unsound or simply unhelpful in moments of raw pain:
  • “I know how you feel.”
  • “Things could be worse. I know someone who…”
  • “It will get easier.”
  • “There’s a reason for everything. In time, you’ll understand why this was God’s will.”
  • “He/she is in a better place.”
  • “You need to be strong for everyone. There will be time to cry later.”
  • “God never gives us more than we can handle.”
  • “It was his/her time to go.”
  • “At least they lived a long life.”
  • “God needed him/her in heaven.”
  • “You can remarry.”
  • “You can have more children.”