The Apostle Paul’s letter to the Romans is a rich doctrinal guide to understanding righteousness—how we are made right with God. If you look at the outline in the NIV Study Bible, you’ll find headings like:

Romans is a theological and weighty letter about our relationship with God—until you get to chapter 12.

Chapter 12 marks a shift from the doctrine of our relationship with God to practicing those truths in our relationships with each other. It’s titled “Righteousness Practiced” (or “Marks of the True Christian” in the ESV). In this section, Paul begins to describe what a righteous life looks like in community.

Romans 12:18 says:
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

This is a critical principle for group life. Every group member must understand that they are personally responsible to pursue reconciliation. When conflict arises, they should take the initiative. Why? Because in doing so, they’ve fulfilled what depends on them. If you can lead your group members to embrace this mindset, they’re already on the right path toward healing and unity.

When conflict happens in a group, tension will not ease until grace is both given and received.

In Luke 6, Jesus addresses His disciples—not about loving friends, but enemies. He says:

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” (Luke 6:37)

The only way to refrain from judgment and condemnation is to extend grace. A simple definition of grace is undeserved love, acceptance, and forgiveness.

Let’s be honest—when someone wrongs us (or we perceive that they have), our instinct is to judge and condemn. That doesn’t change until we intentionally extend grace:

If both parties are willing to offer and receive grace, the tension dissolves and peace is restored.

Bottom line: When group members are in conflict, guide them to extend grace—both internally and externally.

P.S.: You may hear, “I just don’t feel like dealing with this right now. When I feel right about it, I’ll talk to them.”

A vital truth: Right feelings come after grace is exchanged—not before.

It’s rare for Jesus to give a detailed, step-by-step process for handling interpersonal issues, but He does exactly that in Matthew 18:15–17:

“If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over.
But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’
If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church;
and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.”

Sometimes, a group member will deeply desire reconciliation but is met with rejection or defensiveness. They may feel stuck—like there’s nothing more to be done. But Jesus provides a path forward.

Here’s a simplified summary of Jesus' process for resolving conflict:

Be encouraged... Helping your group members pursue peace, extend grace, and follow Jesus' process for reconciliation is hard but holy work. You’re not just resolving tension—you’re forming disciples.